Still a mystery....

I was walking through the city on my way home the other day and maybe it was just that magic Friday feeling, or the song I was listening to – but I was suddenly transported back to my Grade 4 classroom. 

Balmy Brisbane faded away and suddenly I could feel the beautiful Joburg February air, a hint of warm from Summer but cooling down nicely for Autumn. I could smell the slightly musty brown carpet and chalk dust in the air. I could see the 4 rows and 3 columns of brown wooden desks, the old ones with ink pot holes and pencil grooves, with a shelf underneath for your books. I could see where Fish and Chips, the class budgies sat on a shelf, in the corner at the back. And I could see my desk - 3 rows from the front and center. And I could still see the card, perched on the top, with my name stenciled on the front……… and a boy, sitting on my desk, grinning.

 

One of these little guys, or maybe just mum?

It was Valentine’s Day and I was 8 years old.  I was a shy kid, and often late (nothing’s changed)– so in I walked to a pretty full classroom and much excitement. I remember attention on me, my cheeks burning. I remember curly haired, brown eyed, loud mouthed and lots of fun yelling, “woooooo, you have a secret admirer”…..And somewhere, in the corner of my mind, is tall, skinny, speedy, blue eyed, gentle soul off to the side, looking a bit bashful. I was completely thrilled and embarrassed all at the same time.

I remember the card clearly. It had a picture of heart on the front and read, “Be my Valentine”. On the inside, my secret admirer had taken an enormous amount of care to remain anonymous and stenciled (remember stencils?!) “Happy Valentines Day, Love your Secret Admirer xo". A man of few words. Maybe that's where my penchant for the strong silent type started.

It’s such a fond memory I still have the card. And still my secret admirer is a secret, 25 years later. Surely someone saw my secret admirer put it on the desk? How did a bunch of 8 year olds keep it a secret? How did no one see or no one tell? And because I was usually late, I have no idea who was even likely to be at school early enough to do so undetected. I have considered it was my mum, who  swears it wasn’t her, plus there is no way she'd be able to keep a card that brief. Plus stencils aren’t her style.

I do have my suspicions. But I’m not sure I want them confirmed. I’m usually someone who has to make sense of things and figure them out. But there are some things that perhaps should remain a mystery, some things that should be left for us to always wonder.

I have my suspicions. But I’m not sure I want them confirmed. Because I remember his house and bikes and vaguely some older brothers. I remember his thin, gentle Mamma. I remember, at even 8, feeling a sense of calm and companionship when we sat quietly eating sandwiches. And I remember feeling like my heart would burst with excitement when 8 year old me thought it was maybe, from him.

(So PS Mum, now is the not the time to confess).

8 years old and loving polka dots apparently