My friend and I were exchanging sms'sss'sss (I hate plurals of words that end in 's') and she kindly asked if I was getting any rest. To which I replied, "Yes, of course. If by 'rest' you mean 'business-as-usual', with a little more sitting, and more waking up at night because the nuggets have the flu too. Then yes. I am resting the %^&* out of this."
#mumflu sufferers have the unique challenge of having small children about, widely admired for their insatiable energy, curiosity, tyrannical demands and inability to see their parents as mere humans, who occasionally, want their blanky and a treat too.
"Babe, I'm not feeling very well today. So can we chill out a bit?"
Cue perplexed looks from small children.
"Ok shame mommy. I kiss better............Now can I have a sandwich? Can we bounce on the trampoline? ..Oh I know, let's dance. I will be the dinosaur dancer and you be the truck."
Cue perplexed look from parent. Huh? Truck dancer? Thoughts interrupted by,
"Mom, dance!" while another child calls from the bathroom, "Mooooom, I need a hand in here."
LOLz. It's more fun than it sounds. Mostly.
#mumflu symptoms generally encompass all manner of flu symptoms. This bout for me has been the usual, snot, headaches, the black lung and worst of all for me, no voice. I really like talking. Like a lot. I mean I might even say I love talking. My Dad says I was putting words together early and in his words, "haven't shut up since". Meant with love. Except maybe when I was a mouthy 14 year old. Man thinks I could actually talk under wet cement. "Woman, if anyone can do it. It's you." Also meant with love. Except maybe when its 11pm and I'm talking about my feelings.
This week I have learned some things having no voice and discovered some tricks to surviving the #mumflu. Herewith a few lessons and survival tips. You're welcome.
#1. Less is more
Not being able to speak made me listen more. I'm so busy talking, I've realised I could listen a lot better. My world is full of interesting people, with much to teach me...... Including my little Man, who one morning quietly dug out an archived breast pump, put it together perfectly, plugged it in, filled it with milk from the fridge, wiped up the ensuing spillage and quietly said, "This is for my baby crocodile (toy). He comes from an egg that hatches, and doesn't have milk, baby sharks do - but I don't have baby shark, and maybe baby crocodile would like some."
I was speechless. And not because I had no voice. How does he remember what a breast pump is for? How did he put it together? (the instruction booklet was laid out on his carpet?!) and how does he remember sharks have milk and crocodiles don't? And how is he so freaking cute?!
Not being able to speak meant I couldn't pick up calls much, have conversations, or even talk to myself. It gave me room to be quiet, alone with my thoughts. It was great.
#2. Non verbal
Behold the power of "The Look" from a cross Mum. That's right, be afraid.
#3. TV you bloody beauty.
I feel so guilty about TV and so so many other parenting shortfalls but this week, I could kiss that weird square. Bless you Netflix and a weird little Norweigian rescue boat called Elias. Who, by the way, has a friend called "smacky" who dozes off and drifts into dangerous seas. Whaat?! I was desperately trying to yell out "SMACK IS NOT YOUR FRIEND" but with no voice, it was impossible and my sign language attempts failed.Speaking of sign language............
#4. Kids don't understand "The Finger."
I'm kidding I didn't give my kids the finger. It hasn't come to that. Yet.
#5. Coughing fits can replace your regular exercise
Yes, terrible coughing fits can replace your sit up regime (hahah I know, hilarious. I don't have a sit up regime, clearly). But if I did, coughing would excuse me. I can feel my muscles stronger - and sore, like someone punched me in the ribs. Abs = silver lining.
#6. Trampoline rest-time.
Take some cold and flu tablets. Get yourself dressed nice and warmly, maybe a beanie, or even a comforting blanket. Maybe roll yourself up in it. Soothing right? Lie on the trampoline, close your eyes and enjoy the soothing rhythm of small people bouncing wildly around you. If you take enough cold and flu tablets, you won't even really notice the body slams and kicks to the head you might inadvertently receive (see aforementioned beanie, this will help avoid injury).
I know, I know. It will take some time to digest such profound insights. But forewarned is forearmed right? And as Bear Grylls says, "The rules of survival never change, whether you're in a desert, or in an arena." (or in my case, at a rock n roll concert with a 'cro-do-dile').
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